Tuesday, July 30, 2013
That's is the day that our support letters are going into the mail and that we will come out publicly with our plans to adopt. The days are dragging. People ask how we're doing and if we're going to start trying again soon and I just want to open my big mouth about our next adventure. I'm ready to send those letters out yesterday. It doesn't help that they are all finished. I'm currently collecting addresses. I'm playing with the idea of including a photo of the two of us, but I'm not sure if that's just too cheesy. At least I have time to decide!
Let's hope August and September go by as quickly as the rest of the year has.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
There are many different types of adoption programs. Dustin and I have decided to pursue domestic infant adoption. (DIA) Like most, it's a long process. Here's some of what we have ahead of us:
- An orientation session
- Lots and lots and lots of paperwork
- An adoption readiness seminar
- Complete a Home Study
- Introductory Letter (or a "Dear Birth Family" letter)
- Waiting, waiting, and possibly more waiting
Once we're matched, that's not all. Then we look forward to:
- Post-placement supervision
- Finalization in court
I plan to blog as much as I can about the process but we'll definitely have slow times that we're just waiting for something. We look forward to sharing our journey with you!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Adoption is an interesting topic. People don't know a lot about it the process, the different options or much of what it entails at all, other than an adoptive family is paired up with a birth family who can't parent for some reason. People have mixed feelings about it as well. It seems that most have a pretty positive outlook on it but there are people that believe are very selfish in their hope to adopt instead of alternatives.
Some people believe adoption is an incredibly selfless act. People think that the adoptive parents are "saving" the child and giving it something he or she wouldn't have otherwise. This isn't (at all) the reason we've chosen adoption. We've chosen adoption because we want, desperately, to start a family. In the two years between our last two pregnancies, adoption crossed my mind frequently. When I thought about, I felt such a tug at my heart. I mostly just pushed those feelings aside, as we were both determined to get pregnant on our own. We both very much wanted to experience a successful pregnancy. At our first appointment for our 4th pregnancy, things didn't look so good and we ended up in a state of limbo. At this point, adoption started creeping back into my head. The tug and ache at my heart returned. After it was confirmed that we were losing another baby, I knew we would be adopting.
Our doctor reminded us that there wasn't anything stopping us from trying again, on our own, or with a fertility intervention. Nothing had come back abnormal in the many tests that had been performed. It didn't matter. Adoption would be our next step.
When people say that we're "saving" a child, it makes us out to be some kind of a saint. We're not. If some mentions how lucky a child is to be adopted, they are wrong. So often it's the PARENTS who are lucky to have that child. To be given the chance to love and nurture it. To be chosen by the birth family to step in and taken on the roles of mom and dad. That's a blessing to the adoptive parents. I hope and pray that we will be blessed with a child. I would feel SO incredibly lucky to be chosen.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
We're Dustin & Maddie. Most of you probably know that though because chances are, we gave you the link. There's still the small possibility that you found us through another blog, the bump, or google. Even if you do know us, maybe you don't know our history. I'd like to take the dreaded FIRST POST to tell you our story. (Really, the first post is the worst. What do you say? How do you start? What are you going to write about?)
We met when we were 19 and 17, respectively. A mutual friend set me (Maddie) up on a date with one of her & Dustin's friends. Although this guy was a complete sweetheart and we had a great time, we knew about halfway through the evening that we had no interest in being anything more than friends. So, when my girlfriend called to check on us, we told her exactly that. She invited us to join her and Dustin at a nearby pool hall. Dustin says he could tell his friend was failing in impressing me and he asked if he had permission to pursue me. After receiving the go ahead, Dustin put on the charm. At least that's how Dustin tells the story. In fact, I thought he was being a little bit of a jerk. Some how he managed to get me out with a group of friends several times over the next few days though so maybe he's right.
One particular evening, I got extremely frustrated with his teasing. I made a comment to him to get back at him. He completely shut off from me and wouldn't speak to me. I followed him around like a little puppy dog trying to apologize. I felt absolutely horrible. After cornering him, I apologized sweetly and kissed him on his cheek. He continued to refuse my apology. I apologized again and kissed his other check. No such luck. After another apology, I reached up to kiss his nose. Sneaky Dustin caught me first and gave me the softest kiss. I had been set up. I was also officially hooked and we were inseparable for the rest of the summer.
That August, I moved an hour away for school. For the next year, we took turns traveling to see each other during any free time. Fast forward three years, a ton of ups and downs, and several moves. Our four year anniversary was quickly approaching and the three girls closest to me were SO SURE he was going to propose on our 4th anniversary. After spending a fantastic day together on our anniversary, there was no proposal. Before I left for the evening, we decided to go out for ice cream. On the way, he made an unexpected detour. And I got my proposal. :) We got married exactly a year later, on our 5th anniversary.
We have now been together for over 8 years, married for 3. Before we got married, we knew we wanted to start having kids immediately. So, we stared trying immediately. In our first year of marriage, we had three miscarriages. Just a month and a half before our anniversary this year, we lost our fourth when we miscarried once more.
Our journey to start a family has been a very difficult one. We've been through things that I'd never wish on my worst enemy. We're stronger, better people now. Our marriage is stronger. Our losses aren't the end of our story. Our story just beginning.