Adding A Piece to Our Puzzle

Brace yourself. Unless you've researched adoption before, the number I'm about to share might make you fall over. Even though we knew the ball park estimate, the actual number still shocked us a little bit.

The adoption fees, agency fees, medical expenses, and legal fees will be around $34,000. In order to help us lighten the load of this amount, we're planning on doing several fundraisers. One of our planned fundraisers is a puzzle fundraiser. People who would like to participate in this fundraiser will "sponsor" a puzzle piece. The cost of a puzzle piece is $10. Once you purchase your piece, we will write your name on the back of the piece. As pieces are sponsored, it will be put together. Once the puzzle is complete, it will be put into a double sided frame and hung in the baby's nursery.

Originally I was going to post a photo of the puzzle we'd be putting together. I think it's much more fun if everyone has to wait until it's put together. ;)

How to Sponsor a Piece:

-Click on the Donate button in the sidebar and pay securely through PayPal. You do not have to have a PayPal account to do so. :)
- Write a check or donate cash and hand deliver to myself or Dustin
- Mail a check to us. (You can email us at looking4ourmissingpiece@gmail.com for our address)

(Since our letters have gone out and the blog has "gone public", we've have several people let us know that PayPal wasn't working the way it should be. If you have a PayPal account, you can send any donation to maddielynn321@gmail.com. I'm sorry for the issue. We're working to resolve it!)

We're so incredibly thankful for everyone's sweet words and loving support. You all are absolutely wonderful!

"September-ish"

There has been a slight change in plans!

Dustin and I had a conversation about some of our fundraising options and our thoughts on them this weekend. When our support letter came up, Dustin mentioned that he'd like to send them out "September-ish."

WOOOHOOOO! I'm so ready to come out publicly with our choice to adopt. Hearing this was music to my ears. I guess I need to get on collecting those addresses!

Sweet Angels. (Not Adoption Related)

At some point after our third loss, I found myself in a very bad place. I was extremely depressed and it wasn't getting better. I didn't want to find a therapist or psychiatrist to talk to  because I felt like by doing so, I'd be admitting that something was wrong with me. Looking  back at this I can tell you two things.

 1) There was ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with me. The things I was feeling are completely normal of a grieving mother. Having three losses back to back only intensified my emotions. 

2) My  thoughts on finding someone to talk to was completely ridiculous. Someone unrelated and unattached to us was exactly what I needed. Needing the outlet didn't mean there was anything wrong with me. It simply meant that I was sinking in my feelings of helplessness and failure and desperately needed someone to reach in, pull me out, and help me sort through everything. 

When things continued to get worse insteaf of better, I gave in. I decided that I needed to look for SOMETHING that could help. I began the search. I found a local MISS (Mothers in Support and Sympathy) chapter. The website explained that it was run by two women who had both had losses. They met twice a month, one meeting being for women in a pregnancy after a loss and the other being a general meeting for people who have suffered a loss and their adult family members. I decided to attend the upcoming general meeting. 

I cried the whole way there. I walked into the meeting planning to just listen. I listened to stories from the women who lead the group. I listened to two or three families who had been to meetings before. There were also two families who first comers. Listening to these people share their feelings was an amazing weight off my shoulders. Even though we all had such different stories, the emotions and the thoughts were all the same. I thought, if I'm crazy, they all too!

This group of people have become essential in my life. They saved me, without even realizing it. We began a monthly ladies dinner nights. We have celebrated new pregnancies, tiny little take-home babies, new jobs, and new homes. They grieved with me when we had our last loss. No matter where life takes us in our journey to start a family, these ladies will be forever important to me. 

Two weekends ago, our MISS chapter had our second Painting With A Twist fundraiser. We were painting two angels: a mother and child. Once I added red hair to both angels, I knew I wouldn't be giving my woman wings. This last pregnancy, the only names Dustin and I could agree on were girl names. This has NEVER happened. So, my child angel became a girl. I  can't very well not honor my other little angels though. So, I added my Sparkles in the top right corner. (Our first three were affectionately nicknamed the Sanford Sparkles when I added them to my family tattoo on my side. I haven't yet added my 4th but it will be a pink one!)

I am so happy with how my beautiful painting turned out. I can't wait to hang it in the new house in honor, not only of my sweet angels, but also the amazing MISS people I've been blessed with. I wouldn't be the person I am today without their help during those crucial months.

**If you know someone who needs people talk to after a death of a child (of ANY age) please don't hesitate to send them to the MISS website. If they don't have a local chapter nearby, they can be set up with a mentor to talk to.

www.missfoundation.org

Our Support Letter.

If we have your mailing address, be on the watch out. This is the letter we will be sending out asking for your love, support, thoughts, and prayers during this journey. It's going to be a very long (and stressful) journey but we know it will be wellll worth it in the end. We also know we're incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people.

Dustin and I have decided on October 1st as the day they'll be going out. I've been trying to decide if I want to include a photo in them. If so, would I include something we already have? Or get with one of the photographers we know and get a new one? Any thoughts?

Dear Friends and Family,

            From the first time we began discussing a future, Dustin and I saw kids in our future.  During different times through our relationship the “ideal” number bounced back and forth between two and four.  Our journey to begin a family has definitely been less than ideal. Some of you know the general details of our struggle over the past three years, including our losses.

            After our fourth and most recent loss, we began looking into other options.  The difficulties getting pregnant, the fight to stay pregnant, and the devastation after a loss is simply too much to bear at this time.  We have decided to begin the adoption process!  We didn’t come to this decision lightly though.  Much research has been done.  Many, many prayers have been said.  We are very excited to where this will take us.  We are writing this letter asking for support.

            First, we ask that you keep us, and this adventure we’re about to set out on, in your prayers.  We have wanted to start a family for some time now and know that God has the perfect child for us out there.  Also, please pray for the family we will be working with.  We know the decision to place their child for adoption will not be an easy one to make.

            Secondly, we humbly ask for financial support.  Domestic infant adoption is very expensive.  I am now a consultant with Thirty One and my commissions are being set aside.  We hope to watch God bless my business.  Several fundraisers have been discussed and are in the planning stage.  If you’d be interested in supporting us financially or in the fundraisers being planned, please feel free to contact us! We would love to hear from you!

            Our road to adopting a baby has only just begun.  We have met with an adoption agency.  By the end of the January or February, we hope to be an “active” family for birth families to choose from.  Although this is a long process, we are extremely excited about what is to come.

            I plan to blog as a way to document our journey.  If you would like to follow us or would prefer email updates, please let us know.  Thank you so much for your prayers and support!

With love,

Dustin & Maddie
looking4ourmissingpiece@gmail.com

October 1st.

That's is the day that our support letters are going into the mail and that we will come out publicly with our plans to adopt. The days are dragging. People ask how we're doing and if we're going to start trying again soon and I just want to open my big mouth about our next adventure. I'm ready to send those letters out yesterday. It doesn't help that they are all finished. I'm currently collecting addresses. I'm playing with the idea of including a photo of the two of us, but I'm not sure if that's just too cheesy. At least I have time to decide!

Let's hope August and September go by as quickly as the rest of the year has.

Domestic Infant Adoption.

There are many different types of adoption programs. Dustin and I have decided to pursue domestic infant adoption. (DIA) Like most, it's a long process. Here's some of what we have ahead of us:

• Applications
• An orientation session
• Lots and lots and lots of paperwork
• An adoption readiness seminar
• Complete a Home Study
• Introductory Letter (or a "Dear Birth Family" letter)
• Waiting, waiting, and possibly more waiting

Once we're matched, that's not all. Then we look forward to:

• Placement
• Post-placement supervision
• Finalization in court

I plan to blog as much as I can about the process but we'll definitely have slow times that we're just waiting for something. We look forward to sharing our journey with you!

Why Adoption?

Adoption is an interesting topic. People don't know a lot about it the process, the different options or much of what it entails at all, other than an adoptive family is paired up with a birth family who can't parent for some reason. People have mixed feelings about it as well. It seems that most have a pretty positive outlook on it but there are people that believe are very selfish in their hope to adopt instead of alternatives.

Some people believe adoption is an incredibly selfless act. People think that the adoptive parents are "saving" the child and giving it something he or she wouldn't have otherwise. This isn't (at all) the reason we've chosen adoption. We've chosen adoption because we want, desperately, to start a family. In the two years between our last two pregnancies, adoption crossed my mind frequently. When I thought about, I felt such a tug at my heart. I mostly just pushed those feelings aside, as we were both determined to get pregnant on our own. We both very much wanted to experience a successful pregnancy. At our first appointment for our 4th pregnancy, things didn't look so good and we ended up in a state of limbo. At this point, adoption started creeping back into my head. The tug and ache at my heart returned. After it was confirmed that we were losing another baby, I knew we would be adopting.

Our doctor reminded us that there wasn't anything stopping us from trying again, on our own, or with a fertility intervention. Nothing had come back abnormal in the many tests that had been performed. It didn't matter. Adoption would be our next step.

When people say that we're "saving" a child, it makes us out to be some kind of a saint. We're not. If some mentions how lucky a child is to be adopted, they are wrong. So often it's the PARENTS who are lucky to have that child. To be given the chance to love and nurture it. To be chosen by the birth family to step in and taken on the roles of mom and dad. That's a blessing to the adoptive parents. I hope and pray that we will be blessed with a child. I would feel SO incredibly lucky to be chosen.